He thought to destroy women like this: Like porn our sex life

How many women speak, Sarah*, 27, with her Friends often about Sex – how much Sex you have, the Surprises, the disappointments, the tips.

But how many women has also heard them an infinite number of stories about Sex that have to have triggered an uncomfortable feeling.

When she was 15, she was told by a friend that her boyfriend is always a “dirty bitch” called, because he online had seen that men do.

Sarah’s own friend at that time tried to get her to have anal sex – she refused, made a circuit and was hoping that her sex life would be better if she was older.

He thought women would want it that way

But it was not really better. During your last One-Night Stand, the man Sarah’s head with violence, pushed down and pulled in front of her hair, until she had to choke.

When she spoke to him on his behavior, he said that he thought that women would like this physical enforcement. At least the women from the porn he is watching, you’d like it.

“The complete respect and attention simply lack, so that I could come to orgasm,” says Sarah about other men she’s encountered so far.

You don’t presumed that you understand it is easy or not at all interested, that you can satisfy each other. “I had a couple of men, who have rolled easily to the side and turned off the light, when they were finished. I felt as if you had used me, exactly as your laptop’s screen.”

Porn can often cause problems in sex life

It is not so that women will not watch porn. The website xHamster reported a massive increase in spectators, of which 30 percent are women.

However, according to a new survey conducted by the Foundation “Relate” report, 47 percent of respondents therapists, that the number of their patients of any gender, of the problems in your sex life talk, a porn triggered, increases.

For some of you cause great concern about their appearance – many others lose the reference to realistic expectations in relation to other in the bedroom.

The Lust between two people is replaced by print: Whether it’s the pressure or something feels wrong.

Many people are looking for help

The consultant is Peter Saddington says the HuffPost that he had experienced this increase first Hand with their own clients and the clients of the therapists that he is at a consultancy in Central England taken care of.

“A few years ago only a few people came to us to talk about porn,” says Saddington. Now he estimates that about 40 percent of the clients come for the advice, because pornography is a Problem in your relationship or in your sex life. “It is always addressed and triggers right despair with you.”

He is not the only one who feels this impact. The radio presenter and psychotherapist Lucy Beresford writes to me via e-Mail, you also noticed that more and more clients come in with these problems to her.

A young woman came to her because she didn’t feel to be enough – because she had not removed her pubic hair, before she took off in front of your friend and Cup size 75B. Your Partner was a porn used to women have large Breasts and smooth shaved.

Another client came to Beresford, after her friend had insisted, that you can refer to a prostitute in her sex life, since she was not willing or not capable of certain positions to do, which he had found on the Internet seen. “She was a few months in therapy with me, and broke the relationship in the end because he called you constantly frigid.”

Young adults will be accompanied to your whole life of porn

For the older generations, the access to pornography online, on screen or in magazines has influenced – and perhaps their sexual experiences as adults. However, young adults today in your sex life permanently from Internet porn.

Those who are currently in their adolescence, have seen a whole lexicon with sexual acts before they were allowed to do this at all legal.

“Our sexual template of what we like in bed, what turns us develops in our early youth,” says Peter Saddington. “If we see already from the beginning at porn online at the age of ten or eleven years, we can imagine the consequences.”

Porn create unrealistic expectations

The therapist Miranda, Christopher’s says that her clients are in their twenties and thirties, often tell that her sex life have started through porn. Many of them stumbled on porn sites, as you are about eight years old.

According to Christophers, the result is that this age group has a different view of “normal” and “extreme” Sex. This leads to the expectation that you – or others – need to be open to everything.

Emily*, 35, slept to moisturize recently with a man who spat during the Sex on her Vulva to you. “I didn’t like it and I have not asked for it. I can only imagine that he has seen probably in porn. I was completely perplexed by this behavior.”

This was not the first Time that you felt so. A prior Partner had the fantasy of a Threesome with Emily and her twin sister, because he’s a Porno with this plot had seen.

“I must stress that you are not a Neanderthal. They are intelligent, educated men who are very sensitive. Until you take her to the bedroom,” says Emily. “It is a massive difference between what men think, what they give us and what they actually make.”

Porn give a wrong template

For people under 30, it is much harder to realize, is that porn is not real. Sex and Dating expert Annabelle Knight said: “The people must be aware of the fact that it has to do for the most little to nothing to do with real sexual situations.”

Similar to other pages, through which you can take a look into the lives of others Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Just because there’s porn on the Internet show a certain Form of Sex, it does not mean that he is in reality exactly the same.

Sarah says that some of the men with whom she slept, a thought that forced violence is the only way to bring you to orgasm.

This also means that certain elements are missing in the case of porn often. Intimacy, emotions, female pleasure – all that is thus left often during Sex in real life.

Men do not know how to intimacy create

Saddington says that men come to him and make him would declare that they wanted to make with your Partner “love”.

You can build a sexual relationship, the intimacy turns, but by their self-inflicted Sexual knowledge of a porn , you know not how you can achieve.

“This behavior contradicts your values,” he explains. “You don’t want a forced or violent, not-consensual Sex. You want intimacy and emotions.”

Hardcore porn could be a Problem

Erika Lust, a self-proclaimed feminist Porn producer, says that we should not blame porn in General.

We should rather take a look at the Explosion of free Hardcore content throw, not behind Paywalls are hidden, but within seconds through a Google search found could be – because they are the Problem.

“This has devastated the industry and completely changed how we, as a society, looking at porn,” she says.

“The Problem is that certain acts shown in porn as the only way Sex would have to. Face slapping, choking, spitting, etc. are in the bedroom niche acts – but many of the Mainstream sites it will be displayed as default while having Sex. Many of these films are produced by and for a specific demographic of heterosexual men. This kind of porn a woman of the enemy often, and sexist. They show Sex as a thing men women or women for men.”

Porn can expand the sexual horizons

Nevertheless, the audience of porn is bigger and more diverse than ever before. Franking*, polyamorous, told that you and your Partner to enjoy both sexes porn as a mutually-fulfilling experience: “I’ve discovered many things through porn. I’m also generally very open to the idea of things from porn to try,” she says.

From this side, can porn help to broaden the sexual horizons, to experience new things and to step into a safe space beyond its borders.

Porn that are inclusive and diverse, and, female pleasure and emotions to acknowledge, might help, say producers and Fans.

“Pseudo-incest-stories sell well”: confessions of an erotic book author

Porn shows a distorted reality

The Problem probably lies in the difference between porn and reality. “Pornography shows Sex without the everyday interruptions, or the normality that we know – body hair, cramps, funny noises, an embarrassing position, a ringing phone or a crying Baby,” says Psycho – sexual therapist, Kate Moyle.

“This can be especially for people with a challenge in their early stages of your sex life. Because it can create the expectation of perfection.”

And this expectation applies not only to women. Peter Saddington says to HuffPost that his male clients are under more and more Anxiety, suffering, the body image and the Performance of affect – driven by the men they see online.

Not only that you are ashamed of the size or shape of your body and genitals, or not so much endurance as Porn Stars have – they’re also concerned that you not be aroused by “normal” sexual act, because of the behavior and treatment of women that you have seen online.

Porn together couples can bring look closer together

The survey of the “Relate” shows that 24 percent of the surveyed therapists have male clients who are suffering from erectile dysfunction. This number is with the free access to porn directly increased.

Pornography will not disappear quickly from the scene. Experts advise not to ignore them, but to learn to deal with it.

Beresford believes that communication is the key. It proposes a “We-see”method, in Partner porn in your shared sex life should bring, instead of watching it alone or to do as one would watch no porn.

Associated with an honest and sincere discussion of these tactics can bring through a common experience of couples closer together, she explains.

Education about porn is important

And it is precisely this honesty should also be used in the sex education applied, experts say the HuffPost. Especially since young people are more prone to be unrealistic representations to believe, their sexual habits for the Rest of your life define.

Moyle argues that sex education was in England at the moment very inadequate.

“If we do not educate about the difference between pornography and real Sex, it can happen that we assign our own preferences to each other without noticing it.”

*Some names have been changed.

This article originally appeared in the HuffPost UK and has been translated by Martina zinc from the English.

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This article was written by Sophie Gallagher