Why You Should Reconsider Getting Into A Rebound Relationship

Here, via Reddit, 9 women share their experiences dating after ending it with an ex.

“In unhealthy relationships you inevitably learn unhealthy coping mechanisms and ways of being with other people. After leaving an abusive person when I was 18 (we met when I was 15, he was 24), I got into a relationship with a new person fairly soon after. It didn’t go well because I was still in the mindset that being controlled by another person was perfectly normal. It made me very clingy, ruined the relationship and, in the end, brought out the very worst in me. I then jumped into another relationship after that one ended because I couldn’t cope with the loss. I didn’t know who I was alone. It lasted for 10 years but, again, this person was controlling and abusive towards me.” Via. 

“For me it was an intense fear of being alone. I literally panicked and jumped into someone else’s arms. The funny thing was I thought I was being picky but only because I had such low standards from my ex… He lovebombed me from day one, so when this new man took things incredibly slow (or noncommittal as I see it now) I continually shook off my intuition that things weren’t right. I was convinced it was just ME who was wrong and ignored the feeling that it wasn’t totally right between us and pushed on. He eventually ended things in an immature way and I was left dealing with the hurt from basically two relationships. ALWAYS do the work on yourself before moving on. Sleeping around is one thing but heading into a new relationship with the intention of it being long-term, nurturing and healthy is another and not easily or quickly done.” Via. 

You also might ignore a lot of red flags just because you got out of a fresh bad relationship so everything the new person does seems like they are treating you so much better. I still feel bad about ruining things with the first guy after my emotionally abusive ex. But I guess live and learn, and cut yourself all the slack in the world.” Via.

“I knew the person I was with wasn’t going to be a super long-term thing, but one day she asked me, ‘Hey…I’m not just your rebound, am I?’ And that’s when I thought HUH she really is! I was also ready to be with the first person(s) who looked my direction.” Via.

“I jumped into Tinder dating and was very upfront and forward with a new guy days after my long-term relationship ended horribly. My mental health was at an all time low, I needed the distraction and self-esteem boost. I genuinely felt like I really liked this Tinder guy and he was crazy about me. It made me feel so good about myself.

“We really got along but I realised very quickly within the next month that the ‘shiny new toy’ feeling wore out and I felt absolutely numb. Numb to the point where I couldn’t even bring myself to keep up convos with him anymore. So I eventually ghosted the guy because that was the only option, and to this day I feel horrible about it. I’ve promised never to do that to someone again.” Via.

“I had a toxic relationship with my loser ex-boyfriend for three years. I finally dumped him for good and found out a couple months later he was joining the Marines and getting his life together. So I got myself on Tinder and ended up dating a really nice and respectable man in the Navy. Things were going great with the new guy until I checked my ex’s Facebook a few months in and realised he’d dropped out of bootcamp and was still a loser. It didn’t take long to realise I wasn’t attracted to the new guy after all, it was just a sick way of getting back at my ex. I dumped him and I wish I had just taken time to be single and love myself instead of trying to love somebody new. I also feel bad for leading somebody on and hurting their feelings. It might have worked out with the new guy if I had met him at a different time in my life. But, you live and you learn.” Via.

“I went through something similar, but it only lasted six weeks… the dude was so sweet and a total 180° from my ex, but the chemistry and compatibility wasn’t there. Somebody who is nicer than an ex is still not always a good match.” Via.

“My mistake was settling for the first nice-ish guy who came along after my ex and I split. He seemed like a breath of fresh air after what I had been through with my ex, but I didn’t get to know him well enough. We figured out after a while that our personalities were incompatible, and we ended up being quite toxic. Always make sure you know what you’re getting into, and don’t settle for someone just because they’re a little better than your ex.” Via.

“I got into a brand new relationship with an incredible person immediately after finally leaving an abusive ex, and ruined it so quick I still feel horrible about it. It’s definitely better to give yourself time and not rush into it. Depending, of course, on how the previous relationship was.” Via.

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